Fasting Day 1: When the War Came

October 3, 2019


The war in my thoughts definitely came. I kept the fast today and found it easier to remember to pray, to get less bogged down in distracting myself.  Work gave me something productive to do today that proved very helpful.  I knew the evening would be a lot harder. And it has been. 


I started today reading Matthew 6 and paying attention to the connections between prayer, fasting, almsgiving and not being anxious about one's life. Those passages were a comfort and helpful redirection at several points during the day. The war is between nihilistic and anxious thoughts. They sort of take turns.


How to cope to with them?


For most of my life I've tried distraction - food, music, a show... when I was younger video games were a solid way out. We all have our favorite, right?  I still think none of those things are wrong in themselves, I just know I've used them as a way to escape from the war in my thoughts rather than facing them and dealing with them through prayer.


When I don't know what to pray I turn to the Jesus Prayer. When I'm facing down thoughts like "everything is falling apart" or "nothing matters", I turn to this prayer.  


I'm dreading tomorrow, but I'm trying to take things moment by moment.  And in this moment I'm heading to bed.  Encouraging thoughts and prayers are welcome.


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